"worse than you"

I have a friend who has cancer. All cancer is scary, but his is really, really scary - it's in his brain.

I've thought before about what it would be like to be confronted by the kind of cross that would come with that kind of diagnosis. To be honest, it scares the crap out of me. The emotional, psychological shock. The physical pain of treatment. The spiritual aspect of being given a new share in the sufferings of Christ. Having to figure out how to respond to family and friends, having to figure out how to respond to your own emotions, learning to relate to yourself, and God, in such a different way - it can't be easy.

Yet, through all of it, he has maintained an amazing outlook. I haven't known him very long, but in the short time I've spent around him, his hopefulness and desire to maintain as normal a way of life as possible have truly made an impression on me. He always has a smile, a story - you'd never know what he was going through. And really, I have absolutely no idea what he's going through - not only because I've never experienced such a thing - but also because he never complains about any of it. When you ask him how he's doing, he simply says, "Worse than you," and leaves it at that.

He is an inspiration, and an incredible witness to the cross. I am grateful to know him.

Please pray for him.

a photo...

I've been photo-editing all evening... and wishing I didn't have to get up so early tomorrow morning so I could keep going... and so I could write a decent blog post tonight!

But, as it's after 10, and my alarm will be wanting to wake me up much too soon, so I better get some sleep.

Before I go... one of the photos I've been working on this evening. ;-)

torn

Do you ever feel torn? Torn between friends, or between good and evil, or between your head and your heart, or even between heaven and earth?

I could seriously wax philosophical about this in detail... maybe some other time. ;-)

I have joked before that I'm an odd left/right brain hybrid. I can be the ultra-rational, mathematical, data-driven scientist one moment - and the beauty-seeking, bizarrely creative, light-chasing artist the next. Sometimes, it's a challenge to keep both sides of my brain content and living in harmony, without one trying to overpower the other - it's hard to find balance when science is tugging at you from one side, and the camera, or canvas, or whatever, from the other!

So I end up feeling torn. Kind of like I felt after this weekend. I spent an awesome couple of days behind the lens, and really reconnecting with my creative side in ways that I haven't in a long time. And of course, at the end of the weekend, I wanted to stay in that "place."

I've found that when I'm away from work, and have time to delve into the artistic side, it's difficult to shift back into science mode when I have to go back. I always end up mourning the loss of my freedom, and wishing I could stay in free-spirit-creative mode instead of locking myself back up in the lab. Yet I like being in the lab, investigating interesting science problems, too!

Ah well, it's a quandary, isn't it? Yet it's also a wonderful gift. Learning how to balance math-ish rationale with those artistic leanings is often just as much a challenge as balancing faith and reason. All part of learning to live in the fire, right? Learning to live with, and use rightly, whatever God gives us?

When I take a few steps back and really look at things, I always feel like I have close to the best of all possible worlds, but it really is hard to feel equally driven by such different things. On one hand, I'd love to spend all day behind the camera, every day. On the other, I don't know if I could really thrive without the scientific challenges I get to work on five days a week. I love them both, but most days, I'm not sure which I love more - and maybe that's okay.

worth fighting for

"No one has greater love than this, to lay down one's life for one's friends." (Jn 15:13)

I hope everyone has had a wonderful Memorial Day, and that we've all had the chance to pause and reflect on why we have a "Memorial Day" to begin with.

It's because freedom isn't free, but it is worth fighting for, worth sacrificing for, even worth dying for. Christ sacrificed his life so that we might be freed from sin; today, we remember those who sacrificed their lives so that we might walk in freedom, free from oppression, free from fear, free to follow Christ without persecution.

Pray for those who sacrificed for our freedom - pray that the freedoms for which they sacrificed will not be lost - and that the true freedom found in Christ may reign in our world.

keeping vigil

It's been an awesome weekend in every respect. Yesterday: photographed the Mass of Ordination, and then attended Saturday afternoon Mass with my husband, because I knew that this morning, I would be photographing the Mass of Thanksgiving of the newly ordained! All in all, a great way to see the Easter season to its close.

Saturday evening's Mass at the parish we attend was a little different yesterday - in a really cool way. The new translation of the Roman Missal includes an extended version of the Pentecost Vigil liturgy - basically, to mirror the Easter Vigil that began this season. It's extended in the sense that there are four "first" readings - each with their own psalm, then the "second" reading, and then the Gospel. And, you guessed it, that's exactly how Mass was celebrated yesterday evening.

It was an hour and a half of EPIC AWESOMENESS. Yes, that's right. It was awesome. Seriously. I can't get enough of these things - they always remind me of the depth of beauty and levels of meaning in the Mass - they make the sacred that much more real to me. And the new translation of the Missal has just made it that... much... better. Ahhhhhhhhhh, yeah!!!! :D

As I was sitting in Mass last night, listening to the additional Old Testament readings, I found myself considering the entire concept of Saturday evening Mass - of Vigil Masses. "Masses of Anticipation." So often, I think we consider Saturday evening Mass as a way to "check the box" or "get it over with" for the weekend. And if we think of it that way, an extra half hour at Mass on Saturday evening becomes an imposition - even an annoyance.

That's really sad. I mean, think about this. We have an Easter Vigil - the Mass that anticipates Easter Sunday - there are Vigil Masses for Christmas - and we treat those as particularly special - which of course, by rights, they are. They are special because they are unique to the great feasts they anticipate. But, any Saturday evening Mass is still a vigil, still anticipatory - the liturgy is still cognizant of the fact that the people of God are holding vigil in anticipation of Sunday and the remembrance of Christ's resurrection - even if we don't recognize that fact.

Every Sunday is a great feast in and of itself, and so ALL vigil Masses are special.

Contrary to what some might like to believe, Saturday evening Masses don't simply exist for our convenience, or to satisfy our desire to sleep in on Sunday morning (and don't get me wrong, sometimes I like to sleep in on Sunday morning, too!).

Wouldn't it be cool if everyone recognized that, when we go to Saturday evening Mass, we are there to keep vigil - there to anticipate the great celebration of the resurrection on Sunday? How awesome would it be to really keep a Saturday vigil in all its meaning - to revive that meaning and bring it back to our minds, back to our hearts? How wonderful would it be if we recognized more constantly the sacred being made real in front of us at Mass, through the power of the Holy Spirit whose descent on the Church we have celebrated today?

Indeed, "Come Holy Spirit, fill the hearts of your faithful, enkindle in them the fire of your love..."

(and yep, another pic from yesterday's ordinations!)

ordination

Ordination. The word comes from the Latin - ordinatio, which basically means to arrange, or to put in order. So, when the Church ordains men to the diaconate or the priesthood, it is an arranging - a putting in order, so to speak. And I think this makes great sense. The gifts of diaconate and priesthood bring a very certain purpose, a well-defined, well-ordered purpose to those who are ordained to the orders of deacon or priest - and they bring a very certain order and arrangement to the life of the Church, and the lives of her people.

Today, the Archdiocese of Santa Fe celebrated the Mass of Ordination for one priest, and two deacons (transitional deacons, who will be, God willing, ordained priests around this time next year). It was beautiful beyond words. Really, it was beautiful beyond even photographs. I can say that because I was privileged to photograph it, and I know that no camera lens could ever capture and do full justice to the beauty that is ANY Mass of Ordination, let alone the one at which I was present today. I have exactly 1,040 photographs from this morning (no, there won't be that many left by the time I'm done sorting through them), and I know that not one, not ONE, could possibly do justice to the amazing and sublime gifts that were poured out this morning.

I am blessed to be the photographer for the Archdiocese of Santa Fe Vocations Office - it's one of the many blessings for which I give thanks to God each day. And I love photographing ordinations - they are, far and away, my favorite "event" to capture from behind the lens. Incredible love, incredible joy, all truly focused on Christ and the Church. Such a rare thing in our times.

Over the past few years during which I have been photographing for the Vocations Office, ordinations have taken on a much deeper meaning for me. True, I don't see all of the Archdiocese's seminarians that often, but when I have that opportunity, I am always struck by the knowledge that I'm around a group of men who will someday be bringing the Eucharist to the people of God. And I'm struck by what awesome people they are - not only because they endure me making photos of them ;-) but also because of their willingness to sacrifice so much for Christ, and because of their "realness," their humor, their love for God's people, and the kindness they show to others (including me!).

There is nothing like being around a group of future priests - and seeing how they grow and change over their years of formation, through all the ups and downs - and then seeing them reach ordination. Although I don't see them often, you don't have to see people often to consider them your friends - heh heh, of course I am friends with a few of them on Facebook! - and there is nothing like seeing your friends (who also seem an awful lot like they could be your older brothers!) reach that blessed moment of ordination. It is beautiful beyond words, and in ways that just make your heart want to explode.

I had the privilege of witnessing that blessed moment of ordination this morning. It reminded me yet again of how vitally important it is for us to love, and pray for, our priests, our deacons, and our seminarians - to pray that indeed, God may bring to completion the good work he has begun in them - and also to pray for more men to answer the call to serve the people of God in his Church.

Congratulations, blessings, and prayers to the Archdiocese of Santa Fe's newly ordained: Fr. Scott McKee, Deacon Danny Gutierrez, and Deacon Bob Peccatiello. God bless you!

And, one photo from this morning's Mass:

last summer

A productive Friday off... finished backups of over 100GB of photographs, installed a ton of software updates I just haven't been able to get to, and cleaned the house (just that in and of itself is a major accomplishment for me!). 

At the moment, I'm charging batteries and getting my camera kit together - prepwork for tomorrow morning, when I'll head to Santa Fe to photograph ordinations for the Archdiocese's Vocations Office - one of my absolute favorite Masses, and one of my absolute favorite events to photograph. So, while batteries are charging and memory cards are clearing, I'm writing this blog post and sipping a nice glass of Malbec. Not a half bad way to spend Friday evening. 

I got up this morning with the intention of going out for a run - I made it all the way outside, and as I was getting ready to close the garage door, I realized that something wasn't quite right. It smelled like a campfire. At 6:30 a.m. ... yeah, not a good sign. Clearly, the wind had pushed smoke from a wildfire over the ABQ area. So much for going for a run - I'd rather not breathe smoke! 

That campfire-like smell brought memories flooding back with it... not memories of camping, but memories of last summer, when the ABQ metro was saturated with smoke from the massive Wallow fire in AZ, and later, the Las Conchas fire that devastated the Jemez. I found myself recalling all the days we spent in a smoky haze that made the sun appear bright red, just like it did tonight.

Even more, though, I recalled the events of last summer - packing and moving across the metro area, along with the entire process of buying another home. Seeing U2 play in Denver last May, and in St. Louis in July. Photographing a college friend's wedding in Colorado Springs. Summer school - I had to take two classes in order to graduate that December. Interviewing for a job in a different group at work. Finding a new parish after moving into our new home. 

It was quite a summer, full of stress and happiness and frustration and more frustration and exhaustion, and well, yes, at some point, joy... because all the things that happened, in the high moments and the low moments (there were plenty of those, trust me), happened exactly the way they needed to - everything fell into place. To a large extent, I was too frustrated and spiritually drained to really perceive it at the time - but it's clear to me now that everything happened exactly as it should. I personally do not believe that is a testament to anything human, but I do believe it is a testament to the Divine. I don't believe in coincidence. And I am grateful. Grateful... because again, everything turned out exactly the way it needed to, and because I know that neither I nor any other human could have done it better. 

Looking back on those months, it's even clearer to me that God's ways are above our ways, that his thoughts are beyond our thoughts. I'm glad they are. 

And now, I'm going to get back to my cameras - turn up the U2 - and finish that glass of wine. 

+Peace, and all good. 

Because I just can't help myself... a pic from that amazing U2 show in Denver. ;-)

end of the (work)week!!

So, to be totally honest, I really don't have much to say tonight. I'm super tired, and have been all week - probably some nasty little allergen floating around in the air out there, wearing me out - and of course, allergy meds don't help with being tired. I think I've come close to falling asleep in every meeting I was in this week. I even broke my personal policy of not consuming caffeine after lunch today, and the extra caffeine didn't help at all!

Needless to say, I'm grateful that tomorrow is my Friday off. I have plenty of errands to run and work to be done around the house - but at least none of it requires sitting in a conference room!

And with that, I think I'm gonna call it a night...
Sorry, not much profundity from this tired brain tonight. ;-)
+Peace, and all good!

definition

Just a few thoughts this evening...
What defines your life? What makes you alive?

Your friends?
Your family?
Your God?
Something, or someone, else entirely?

What... or who... breathes life into you each day?

What is the shape of your heart?

on the road

Life. When you see that word, what do you think of? What comes to mind?

I could come up with a list of things... but the word "journey" would probably be at the top. Life is a journey, traveled, explored.

A good friend and I were talking this afternoon about our mutual restlessness on this journey. We both have the tendency to need to go-go-go all the time, to keep moving, to keep doing and learning new things. I think our restlessness is in part driven by a need to keep exploring, to find new side streets on the journey of life. Unfortunately, it can make it difficult to truly live in the moment, and appreciate what's in front of you instead of thinking about the next thing you want to do or wish you were doing. Learning to be mindful of each moment, and to take what comes next as it comes, is difficult. Learning to slow down and not get ahead of ourselves in the journey is difficult, and I'm constantly reminded that sometimes, it's even harder to be patient with ourselves than with anyone or anything else.

It's easy to be Martha, and hard to be Mary (Lk 10:38-42). Easy to keep going, hard to slow down, harder to stop. Easy to keep doing, and sometimes hard to stop, to listen, to be aware of God's perfect way of ordering everything. "Our hearts are restless until they rest in you, O God..." (St. Augustine)

+Peace, and all good.

Santa Fe, and early morning adventures to Ranchos de Taos

I love Santa Fe. Love it. As in, I could seriously live there. Maybe/hopefully, someday I will. No, it's not because of all the art galleries, though there are some great ones there. I've loved Santa Fe for as long as I can remember, but I really, seriously, truly fell in love with it in 2009, when we spent some vacation time there, and were actually able to settle in for several days. Santa Fe has a very well defined sense of place, and a very different pace of life, which is always a nice break from the hectic run of my usual day-to-day. It's a great escape from the craziness that usually seems to define my life these days.

The sense of place is harder to explain - I think it's one of those things that you know when you feel it - and perhaps in some sense, we might expect that from a place whose name means "holy faith." When I walk the streets of Santa Fe, I sense of the depth of faith that established it, and that continues to sustain it. You can say what you want about Santa Fe, but I think that at its core, it is a place that knows its own heart, and there are few places where I believe this is true.

In any case, I thought that spending the weekend in Santa Fe was a good excuse for a photographic adventure of sorts... a photographic adventure I ordinarily wouldn't do from Albuquerque because of the driving distance required in early morning hours when I am generally not very awake!

Call me crazy: I wanted to photograph the church of San Francisco de Asis in Ranchos de Taos at sunrise.

So, on Saturday, we got up at 4:00 (for your reference, in case you are not aware: yes, it is still inky-black-dark outside at 4:00 a.m.), and drove north to Ranchos de Taos. 4:00 a.m. photographic adventures are always a good reminder that you married the right person - which I most certainly did (not that I have ever had any doubt!!) - he was ready and willing to go along on the trip, even knowing he'd be up just as early the next morning for a 50-mile bike ride. I should note, this is also one of the benefits of marrying a morning person when you are not one. They're awake and willing to drive while you're still working your way back to being fully conscious - at least in my very fortunate case.

You've probably seen a photograph or painting of San Francisco de Asis at some point - Ansel Adams and Georgia O'Keefe both immortalized this church in their art, and many, many, many others have since then. The funny thing is that no one ever seems interested in its front - most images are made of the back, with its famously curved, sloping adobe walls. I understand why, because from an artistic point of view, the curved adobe is a interesting study in the interplay of shape and shadow, but I admit it's always bothered me that no one ever really seems that interested in the front of the church - it's beautiful, too! Needless to say, I photographed the front and the back.

After about an hour and a half of photographing the church, we decided it was time to find some breakfast, and drove into Taos - landing at an awesome little restaurant that served up some wicked red and green on my breakfast burrito. Ahhhhhhh, yes, yes, yes... heaven, I swear. (I love NM. Have I mentioned that lately?) Then it was back to Santa Fe, with a stop at a pottery store in Velarde on the way. We spent a lovely afternoon with friends, went to Mass at St. Francis, and had a lovely dinner afterward.

Sunday morning, after I dropped the hubs off for his half century ride, I went for a great run, got ready for the day and headed back to the plaza to hang out for a while.

What a great way to spend a weekend. As always, and I've been reminded on more than one occasion, God knows what we need. I definitely needed this.

Pics of San Francisco de Asis! The front AND the back!!! :D
Peace and all good, friends, I hope everyone's week has started out well.

First up, the FRONT of this beautiful church:

And, the famous back, with some lens flare, because I loooooooove lens flare...

Sunday bike rides and solar eclipses

Ahhhhh okay... it's Sunday night. Where did the weekend go? I mean, really? It's already past 9:00 as I type this.

It was a great weekend, though. The hubs signed up to ride in the Santa Fe Century bike ride - he and some coworkers opted for the half-century ride - for those unfamiliar, a century bike ride is 100 miles - the half century is, well, half that: 50 miles. We decided to just make a weekend out of it, and drove up to stay in Santa Fe on Friday evening. I'll tell more about the weekend in another post, though - in part because I'm not quite ready to let go of it yet - and in part because I wanna talk about solar eclipses!

So, I think today's eclipse provides a perfect opportunity to stir some science and faith together.

First, annular solar eclipses. This evening's annular solar eclipse was the first visible in the United States since 1994 - and we New Mexicans got a lucky front-row seat - Albuquerque happened to be one of the best places to view the eclipse. You've probably heard or read enough about the eclipse to know that this evening, the Moon passed in between the Sun and the Earth, casting a shadow on the earth, making 7:00-ish seem a lot more like 9:00! Since it was an annular eclipse, at the high point, the sun appeared to be a ring (annulus) of fire around the moon. Way cool.

If you want to read a nice, more detailed description of why eclipses happen, and why they happen when they do, UNM's Physics and Astronomy Department has a great page about today's eclipse, and the astronomy behind it, here. Hopefully they'll add some photos at some point, as they had a great live video feed from a telescope during the eclipse today. I'm somewhat ashamed to admit that I didn't manage to get a solar filter for my camera, so I wasn't able to actually photograph the "ring of fire" - but I did make a little pinhole camera, so we watched the eclipse with that - and UNM's live telescope feed.

OK, the faith part. Most Catholics in the US, celebrated the Solemnity of the Ascension today (though there are a few dioceses that still observe this feast on its traditional Thursday). What happened at the Ascension? The disciples watched as Jesus ascended into heaven... and thus, disappeared from their sight. We could go down several paths in discussing Jesus disappearing from our sight, and how we've experienced something like that in our lives, but I'd rather take a slightly different approach tonight.

How cool is it that the annular solar eclipse and the feast of the Ascension coincided this year?

I think, very cool. As the Son of God disappeared from the disciples' sight at his ascension, so today the Sun disappeared from our sight. But not entirely... in either case. Though Jesus ascended and was no longer physically visible to the disciples, he still left his light here on earth - in his presence in the Eucharist, and through the Holy Spirit. No, it's not the same as if he were still present to all of us in his human form, walking among us, but his light still illumines our path. Kind of like an annular solar eclipse... it's not quite as light outside as it is when the Moon isn't in front of the Sun - but there is still plenty of light for us to see by.

Kinda cool when science and faith can meet up in one place, isn't it?

No pics of the eclipse to share... :-(
So I'll put in a flower pic instead - we were in the garden at the Cathedral Basilica of St. Francis in Santa Fe yesterday afternoon, and the flower known as "bleeding heart" was blooming. I couldn't help but think how appropriate it is to have such a flower planted in that garden, where there are also large, sculpted Stations of the Cross - all in all, a remembrance of the heart of Christ...

saturday photo ops

This morning was a new chapter in the book of "You Know You're a Photographer When..." 

... you get your "I'm not a morning person" self out of bed before dawn on a Saturday, load up the camera, get in the car, and drive for well over an hour, arriving at your intended photographic destination right at dawn. 

Needless to say, it was worth it! But also, having been up since oh, say 4:00 this morning, I'm pretty much wiped. So, I'll save the rest of the story for tomorrow - and leave this post with one of the first photos I made this morning. 

quick post for Friday :)

Well, it's been a long week of training at work, and busy-ness outside of work. I'm tired... so tonight I'm just going to share a picture with everyone, and call it a night.

Hope everyone out there is having a great Friday!

+Peace, and all good!

outside the box

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed 

by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. 

So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. 

Catch the trade winds in your sails. 

Explore. Dream. Discover." 

-- Mark Twain (attributed)

Hmmmm... now for something a little bit different.    

There are some who would misconstrue this quote, and take it to mean that we should all throw caution to the wind - and go do whatever we want, without regard for consequence, morality, etc. I don't think that was what Twain (or whomever said this) really meant. 

I think he was really talking about living life "outside the box."  I was discussing this with a friend just last night, and think it's worth considering more deeply. Living outside the box - sailing away from that safe harbor, going out to meet whatever adventures and challenges life presents us, whether in faith, family, friends, work, or whatever - is ultimately far more satisfying (and certainly more exhilarating!) than a life lived in fear of the world outside our doors. 

That there is no substitute for living life courageously and boldly. 

That first, there is no excuse for not truly knowing and understanding what you claim to believe, and that once you know and understand what you believe, there is no excuse for not learning about those who believe differently - and what they believe.

We tend to draw boxes around ourselves in an attempt to put ourselves in safe, comfortable places. Well, safe and comfortable may be nice and cozy, but in the end, it makes us complacent. It can keep us from sharing our lives with others who don't necessarily think the same way we do, but who may very well need us in their lives. From a Christian perspective, spreading the Word to the world doesn't work very well unless we're willing to wade into the fray - in other words, what good does it do us to only associate with those who think and believe the same way we do? (I'm not saying we shouldn't have friends who think like we do - that's obviously important, too - we need the companionship of those with whom we share our beliefs and general way of thinking.)

We'd do well to see the world outside our "boxes" not as a threat, but as an opportunity to learn about others, and inevitably, to learn about ourselves, as well. Why let that pass us by... to later suffer the disappointment of what we could have done, what we could have learned, what we could have shared?

+ Peace, and all good.

the "why" in the road

Jesus said to his disciples:

"I have much more to tell you, but you cannot bear it now.

But when he comes, the Spirit of truth,

he will guide you to all truth.

He will not speak on his own,

but he will speak what he hears,

and will declare to you the things that are coming.

He will glorify me, because he will take from what is mine and declare it to you.

Everything that the Father has is mine;

for this reason I told you that he will take from what is mine

and declare it to you."

John 16:12-15

Jesus said to his disciples: "I have much more to tell you, but you cannot bear it now."

We've all been through rough situations - times when it was difficult, or perhaps impossible - for us to see the hand of God working in our lives. In this part of St. John's Gospel, the disciples were certainly at the beginning of a rough time, as our Lord was soon to undergo his passion and death. Indeed, Jesus knew well that his disciples couldn't handle complete revelation just yet - they wouldn't have understood it, and would probably have been completely grief-stricken or terrified if he had told them everything that was coming. 

So it is with us, right? How often do we go through a challenging or dark time in our lives, not understanding why, or seeing its purpose - and then when we come out of it, God shows us, and helps us understand the reason(s) we had to go through that darkness or that challenge. What would we have done if he had shown us those reasons while we were in the situation? Probably the same thing the disciples would've done had Jesus told them everything else he had to say - we would've freaked out, broken down, or just not wanted to believe it. Sometimes, we're not ready for the "why." So... he lets us experience the trial, and shows us "why" afterward, through the Holy Spirit. 

Catholics, be Catholic.

I've been thinking about this a ton lately, can't get it off my mind, so it's time to let it out.

I think it's completely messed up, and utterly disturbing, how we have such "political" divisions among Catholics in the US - that there are those who try to make the Faith appear to be directly aligned with any political party.

Now let's stop for a minute, before anyone gets mad.

Just do me a favor. Whatever you think this post is going to be about, read ALL of it, so you find out what it's actually about. Don't skip around. Puhleeeeaze. Just read it. OK?

OK. I'm Catholic. Maybe you are, too. What does Church teaching me for me in terms of "the issues"?

I am pro-life. Womb to tomb, no exceptions. Abortion is wrong. Euthanasia is wrong. And yes, capital punishment is wrong, too.

Being pro-life also means I support human rights for all people, regardless of their nationality, language, religious beliefs, or gender. I don't believe we do nearly enough to combat human trafficking, and we do a poor job of protecting those who are easily taken advantage of. And I believe in women's rights. (Let me note that abortion is NOT a right, women's or otherwise. Murder is never a right.) I am grateful not to suffer the oppression women face in countries like Afghanistan, and I support the rights of those women to pursue freedom and education in safety.

However, I also believe that gender divisions exist in some places for a reason. I will never support the ordination of women to the Catholic priesthood. I have friends who will disagree with me on many of these issues - and I respect them, though I do not share their views - because I respect their God-given dignity, and I appreciate that there are other things we hold in common.

I believe that healthcare is an important facet of caring for our brothers and sisters in Christ, and is important to protecting of the dignity of those who are sick, and those who are dying. Clearly, it is a mission the Church has always been vested in, and this is good, and should continue. I do not support government intervention into health insurance policies offered by Catholic institutions, nor do I think the government has any business telling the Catholic healthcare system how it should conduct its business.

Finally, I support protection of our environment. No, not radical environmentalism, but protection of the environment. God made the world, and entrusted it to us to use wisely - NOT to destroy it. The Church teaches that we are called to be stewards of God's creation, not its bulldozers. Yes, I recycle, and I support alternative energy sources. Yes, I think we need to conserve and protect the resources we have - because if we are going to continue to carry on the human race, if we are going to continue populating the world, we had damn well better leave the next generation the resources they will need to live.

The "liberals" who read this can say I'm too "conservative."
The "conservatives" who read this can say I'm too "liberal."

To be honest, I really don't care. I'm sick of the labels, and I think it's well past time for American Catholics to wake up and realize that THERE IS NOT A POLITICAL PARTY that really, truly meshes with, values or respects the teachings of the Church in their entirety. And realistically, I know there's probably no way we could reasonably expect that to happen.

I am not saying we shouldn't vote, or anything foolish like that - all I am saying is, be CATHOLIC first - not Republican, or Democrat, or Green, or Libertarian, or Independent, or whatever.

Let your faith inform your politics - don't blindly pledge allegiance to a political party. Don't be afraid to express your support for teachings of the Church that aren't part of a party platform, or that aren't part of the platform of the party you generally support. We have to be Catholic, first and foremost. Recall that the word "catholic" means "universal"!! That alone should remind us that Church teaching won't always align with the views of a political party.

Catholics, be Catholic.

only love

"Only love, only love, can leave such a mark... only love, only love, can leave such a scar..." - U2, "Magnificent"

Yep, I'm on the U2 bandwagon this evening. I always find Bono's wisdom in the spiritual realm to be, well, interesting - I don't know what his intention is with all of the songs he writes, but that's beside the point. In any case, I think Bono is right on with his lyrics here. Of course, the words to this song are really a take on the Magnificat of the Blessed Mother in the Gospel of St. Luke.

But still - the lyrics have captured an essential truth of our faith - only love can leave such a mark, only love can leave such a scar... It's true, only love can leave such a scar, and all we have to do is look at a crucifix to see that truth in the wounds of Christ.

I was struck today by the fact that the Gospel reading at Mass was the same as yesterday's - and also the same as last Friday's (though last Friday's was slightly shorter). For those who didn't see my post referencing it on Saturday, or who aren't Catholic, or haven't been to Mass lately, here it is (Jn 15:9-17):

Jesus said to his disciples:

"As the Father loves me, so I also love you.

Remain in my love.

If you keep my commandments, you will remain in my love,

just as I have kept my Father's commandments

and remain in his love.

"I have told you this so that my joy might be in you

and your joy might be complete.

This is my commandment: love one another as I love you.

No one has greater love than this,

to lay down one's life for one's friends.

You are my friends if you do what I command you.

I no longer call you slaves,

because a slave does not know what his master is doing.

I have called you friends,

because I have told you everything I have heard from my Father.

It was not you who chose me, but I who chose you

and appointed you to go and bear fruit that will remain,

so that whatever you ask the Father in my name he may give you.

This I command you: love one another."

Love leaving a mark, a scar, a visible change... love that bears fruit that will remain... "unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies"... that is love that sacrifices. Sacrifice always leaves a mark. With this Gospel reading showing up three times in the past four days, it's clear that this is important, and we need to pay attention!! Love and sacrifice are so intimately bound up together, we can't have one without the other - and just as this was true for Jesus, it is true for us who follow him. Love changes us, it changes others, it endures... it sacrifices.

+Peace, and all good. 

Mother's Day

I think it's no coincidence that Mother's Day is celebrated in May - which is a month in which we also especially honor the Blessed Virgin Mary, mother of Jesus. It was through her "yes," and her many sacrifices, that salvation entered the world in the form of her Divine Son.

It was through the "yes" of our mothers, and their sacrifices, that we entered the world as God's creatures.

May we honor the Blessed Mother of God, and honor and pray for our mothers, now and always.

Happy Mother's Day!

friends of Jesus

Jesus said to his disciples:

"This is my commandment: love one another as I love you.

No one has greater love than this,

to lay down one's life for one's friends.

You are my friends if you do what I command you.

I no longer call you slaves,

because a slave does not know what his master is doing.

I have called you friends,

because I have told you everything I have heard from my Father.

It was not you who chose me, but I who chose you

and appointed you to go and bear fruit that will remain,

so that whatever you ask the Father in my name he may give you.

This I command you: love one another."

Jn 15:12-17

Have you ever really thought about what it means to be a friend of Jesus - that he himself called his disciples, and us, by extension - his friends?

It completely changes the dimension of our relationship with God. The parent-child, or ruler-subject type of relationship noted throughout the Old Testament is gone... God has called us his friends.

What do friends do?

They spend time together.
They take care of each other.
They make sacrifices for one another.
They share their thoughts, hopes, feelings, and dreams with each other, knowing they can trust each other.

Our God became man and came to earth to spend time with us - he healed the sick, and reached out to those most in need of his mercy - he was friends with "tax collectors and sinners."

He made the ultimate sacrifice of his life for us.

He shared the thoughts of God with us - his vision for humanity - his hope, offered to the world - that we might love one another as he has loved us... because he called us his friends. He trusted his disciples, and he trusts us, with the revelation of the very thoughts of God.

Our God doesn't just want us to be his subjects - he doesn't want us to cower in fear before him (not to say we shouldn't respect and stand in awe of him, because we should). Though we are, of course, his children, he wants us to be his friends - his coworkers in bringing the light of his word to the world.

He trusts us - he has entrusted us with a mission to the world: "to go and bear fruit that will remain."

That should make us stop. It should make us think.

And it should change our lives. Because being a friend of Jesus means we must sacrifice more than we think we can, and love more than we think we know how.

+Peace, and all good.

Friday night at the movies

Friday night at the movies... well, ok, in my house, on our HDTV.

I'm not a big movie lover - just ask my husband - he's a huge movie buff, and I don't want to know how many times my general disinterest in movies has disappointed him. It's just not my thing, mostly because I tend to sit and think about all the other things I could be doing instead of watching whatever movie is on.

And when it comes to movies, I'm picky. There are those I enjoy watching (I confess a perpetual love of just about all of Clint Eastwood's films - and I like dramas and mysteries, sciency movies like Contact, and some chick flicks), and then there's... everything else.

But in any case, tonight is a rare movie night in our house; even more rare, it is per my request. I'm about to head back upstairs for movie #2 (we have a few to choose from, and I'm not sure what it's going to be just yet), but thought I should share movie #1... Letters to Father Jacob. Briefly, it's a Finnish film (subtitled!) about a convicted murderer, Leila, who is serving a life sentence in prison. She is pardoned for her crime, and having nowhere to go, is sent to live with an elderly priest, Father Jacob - he is blind, and needs assistance in reading and responding to the letters he receives from those requesting his prayers. The film follows the progression of the relationship between the bitter, angry, hurting Leila, and the good-hearted priest who finds his mission in praying for those who write to him. I won't spoil the ending for you.

I would not have thought that such a short film (it's only about and hour long) could be so impactful, or so telling of human nature, and the nature of God's grace and mercy. It's not perfect in terms of character or plot development - there's only so much of that you can do in an hour - but it is beautiful, and I definitely recommend it.

I had another topic planned for a blog post tonight, with no intention of writing about movie night, but after watching this film, I felt it was worth sharing!

That's your rare movie recommendation from the non-movie buff geek girl. Take it for what it's worth. ;-)

Happy Friday night!

water and wind

Jesus said to his disciples:

"As the Father loves me, so I also love you.

Remain in my love.

If you keep my commandments, you will remain in my love,

just as I have kept my Father's commandments

and remain in his love.

"I have told you this so that

my joy might be in you and

your joy might be complete."

Jn 15:9-11

One morning at the monastery last week, we decided to go for a hike. The guestmaster directed us to a trail that weaved back into one of the canyons nearby. It was a lovely trail - nice views, pretty wildflowers. After crossing a small stream, the trail tracked along large face of sandstone rock - shaped and curved in a million different lines by water and wind over the course of at least thousands of years. 


Kind of makes you think... water and wind. Tools that God uses to shape the face of the earth. 


In today's Gospel reading, Jesus tells his disciples to "remain in my love." Of course, God loves all of us - but how do we first come to live in the love of God as Christians? 


Through Baptism - which leaves an "indelible" mark on our souls - in other words, a mark that cannot be erased. What do we use in Baptism? Water. 


Then, how do we keep the commandments, and remain in Christ's love? By grace - more broadly, through the working of the Holy Spirit in our lives - changing us, and leading us ever closer to the truth and love of Jesus. The Spirit is represented in many ways in scripture and throughout Christian tradition - as a dove, as fire, and also, as the wind. 


Kind of makes you think... water and wind. Tools that God uses to shape the face of the human soul... so that we remain in his love. 


+Peace, and all good. 

betrayal.

Betrayal. How blessed are those who have not experienced betrayal, she thought to herself. Still, she thought, perhaps those who have experienced it are more blessed, for Christ himself was betrayed - and by a close friend, no less. 

Ah yes, betrayal. Whether it comes from a friend or a lover, it's always a painful experience.

In her personal experience, it was also a hard thing to get over... getting to that point of "over" seemed to take forever. It reminded her of a line from an Alison Krauss song, "When forever's over, I won't remember how much I loved you, anymore." The song was about a lover, but she realized those words were just as true for those betrayed or abandoned by a dearly loved friend, as she had been.

Maybe when forever's over, it won't matter anymore, the hurt will be gone, the scar faded.

Maybe when forever's over, thoughts of how things used to be won't chase me down, she thought. I've forgiven, but I definitely haven't forgotten. Too many memories. Maybe the memory of that cherished friendship will fade like a sunset. Maybe I won't still wish I'd had the sense to see it coming long before it happened. 


A friend had once told her that to get over losing a relationship with anyone, you had to experience every season of the year you'd experienced with that person, without them. Maybe that friend was right. She certainly hoped so, for if it was true, she was nearly there. Many new doors had been opened for her, but she felt she was still waiting on this one to close.

"My peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you."

"A Pharisee in the Sanhedrin named Gamaliel,

a teacher of the law, respected by all the people,

stood up, ordered the Apostles to be put outside for a short time,

and said to the Sanhedrin, 'Fellow children of Israel,

be careful what you are about to do to these men.

Some time ago, Theudas appeared, claiming to be someone important,

and about four hundred men joined him, but he was killed,

and all those who were loyal to him were disbanded and came to nothing.

After him came Judas the Galilean at the time of the census.

He also drew people after him, but he too perished 

and all who were loyal to him were scattered.

So now I tell you, have nothing to do with these men, and let them go. 

For if this endeavor or this activity is of human origin, it will destroy itself.

But if it comes from God, you will not be able to destroy them;

you may even find yourselves fighting against God.'

They were persuaded by him. After recalling the Apostles, they had them flogged,

ordered them to stop speaking in the name of Jesus,

and dismissed them. So they left the presence of the Sanhedrin, 

rejoicing that they had been found worthy to suffer dishonor for the sake of the name.

And all day long, both at the temple and in their homes,

they did not stop teaching and proclaiming the Christ, Jesus."

(Acts 5:34-42)

First, I should note - the above passage from Acts is not from today's readings at Mass - it was actually read a few weeks ago, shortly after Easter. However, it ties in well with today's reading from Acts, and besides that, it really speaks for itself. 


The words of Gamaliel to the Sanhedrin: "For if this endeavor or this activity is of human origin, it will destroy itself. But if it comes from God, you will not be able to destroy them; you may even find yourselves fighting against God." 


This is wisdom that speaks to the truth of Christianity, the truth of the Church - against which the gates of hell shall never prevail. It's true - no empire and no ruler that has persecuted and tried to destroy the Church has succeeded - indeed, quite the opposite - the Church has become stronger, while empires and rulers have fallen. There are many in the world today who would do well to remember that... not that I'd be suggesting any names... ... 


And then: "After recalling the Apostles, they had them flogged, ordered them to stop speaking in the name of Jesus, and dismissed them. So they left the presence of the Sanhedrin, rejoicing that they had been found worthy to suffer dishonor for the sake of the name. And all day long, both at the temple and in their homes, they did not stop teaching and proclaiming the Christ, Jesus."


Rejoicing that they had been found worthy to suffer dishonor for the sake of the name. When was the last time any of us rejoiced when persecuted for our belief in Jesus? 


The apostles, and the early Church, certainly understood well that they would suffer many things for their belief in Christ. Not only did they understand it, they accepted it... and it was part of their preaching of the Gospel - as we read in today's first reading from Acts (the complete reading is Acts 14:19-28), Paul and Barnabas exhort the disciples "to persevere in the faith, saying, 'It is necessary for us to undergo many hardships to enter the Kingdom of God.'"


When most of us think of persecution, when we think of suffering hardship for Christ, we probably don't think about being at peace. Right? Yet, in the Gospel that followed today's first reading, what does Jesus say to the apostles?


"My peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled or afraid." (Jn 14:27)


Jesus gives us peace - peace to help us walk without fear, and with courage, even in the midst of suffering and persecution. The example of this gift of peace received and put into action shines in saints like St. Maximilian Kolbe, who led other prisoners in prayer and consoled them, before offering his life to save another prisoner in Auschwitz. Most - if not all - of us reading this will probably never be called upon to give up our lives for faith in Christ - but all of us will at some point probably be ridiculed for our faith. In those times, hopefully we will recall the words of Jesus in the Gospel today, and be at peace - also remembering that we believe in a God who will not fail us - who has already conquered all his  - and our - enemies.


+indeed, peace... and all good.