i knew much more then...

"The more you see, the less you know - the less you find out as you go - I knew much more then, than I do now." - U2, City of Blinding Lights

I knew much more five years ago than I do now. Sure, I know more about the world. I know more about my family and my friends. Thanks to grad school, I know much more about science and engineering. 


But at the end of the day, "I knew much more then, than I do now." 


I thought I knew a lot about human nature - both its goodness, and its "badness." I've since found I was clueless about the depths possible in both. 


I thought I really knew and understood truth. In reality, I had bounded it by my own preconceived ideas. 


I thought I understood beauty. Now I know I'd only scratched the surface. 


I thought I knew what was important in life. I now find that what I thought was important, was just the beginning. 


I thought I knew a lot about God. In truth, I'd limited him by putting him in a box that fit what I thought he should be. 


I thought I knew a lot of things. At the end of the day, I've found there's more to learn about everything than I will ever be able to take in. I'll never know or understand all the secrets of the universe, and I can't probe the thoughts of God.


I'll never fully understand God and all his reasons. But even more, I'll never learn all there is to know about his love, his mercy, his unfailing faithfulness. I've learned that mercy has to do with more than confession (which is, of course, a wonderful gift) - it has to do with God never giving up on us, even when we try to give up on him.


I've learned that I know nothing about the love of God, because that love is so deep, so wide, so vast, it is unfathomable. He keeps loving us, even when we leave him for love of the world. He loves us, even when we fail to love him by hurting those around us.


And that faithfulness... that faithfulness of Christ crucified that continues to remind me of the price of redemption - the very life of God. At the end of it all, he remains faithful even unto death, even if I choose to reject his mercy and his love. 


The faithfulness of Christ continues to remind me that Easter is more than a day, more than a season in the liturgical year. It is a way of life - an embracing of everything it encompasses - both in its joy, and in the knowledge that to receive that joy completely, I have to follow Christ through his Passion. It's a way of acknowledging, that before God, I know nothing, understand nothing, because that sacrifice of love and that faithfulness are so far beyond anything I can conceive of. 


Life - truth - faith - beauty - God - unbounded, unboxed, unlimited. May we always find that we know less and less as we go. 


+peace, and all good.